Does someone hear whistling?
Over last few months, I have found myself really struggling with the concept of desire and how to deal with it. I have gathered the the nature of happiness is fundamentally connected to what we perceive as good. We are happy when good things happen to us. Happy we were around those that make us feel emotionally or physically good. We are happy when we get the things we want. When we do not, we find ourselves longing for that in which would make us… happy. (Or in some cases, what we think will make us happy.) From this need, this urge to acquire something that we want gives birth to Desire which is the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state.
Desire is defined by most dictionaries (and yes, I checked multiple sources) as a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happy. I’ve heard that we like to associate desire to an emotion which comes from our mental state, following the same family tree as affection, grief, ecstasy, or anger but many scientist and psychologist believe that it made more primal than that.
An article written in Healthline believes that desire is more of a bodily urge, more akin to things such as hunger or the blood’s need for oxygen. For the sake of this prompt, I will speaking on the nature of love and how maddeningly overwhelming at times it can be to be driven to the edge of despair by an unquenchable ache for another.
And man… I have an almost fatal infliction to the coalescing of visual, biochemical, emotional, and bio-mechanical cues that has triggers a hormonal cascade that culminates in my heart solely pulsing in my chest for the affections of another. And I haven’t been able to separate the feelings and emotions behind it. It is practically inextricable.
I think I can safely speak for everyone when I say that everyone wants someone to want them. I blame all the novels, music, movies, shows, and mere interactions with people. It is virtually impossible to go a day without hearing something about love. And when you are deep in love, all of these things, at least for me, is like having the volume turned up to the max. I instantly associate everything I read, hear, and watch to my own interpersonal perspective and that in turns seems to fuel everything I do. It is even said that the only type of desire; one based off the psychoanalytic theory seems to hold that all other forms of desire and creative energy are the result of routed sexual energy.
This notion here is very alarming because I practically ignored this facet of myself because I was single and working on myself. And I feel like now I have been hit by a bolt of lightning, supercharging all of these sensations beyond any calculable measure with no idea how to handle and manage it all. It is really taxing!
And it is terrifying in some ways. Forgive me if this getting a bit personal, but I need an outlet and quite possibly some direction. Because all of this cannot not purely based in primal urges… right?
I can’t be the only one that feels frustrated when you have overabundance of energy and no sensible way of getting rid of it. I’ve written short stories, poems, read things, watched things, and even tried to ignore it all together to no avail. (Yes, I have been absent from here but that is really only because I haven’t been watching much and have been experiencing life outside my four walls.)
It doesn’t help that everything I seem to stumble into is all rooted in this. I didn’t even realize just how much anime promotes desire. And before you question how, just know that I knew it was there and we’ve been complaining about fan-service and things all the time, but I feel it is different when you put on a different pair of glasses. When you looking at something for a different perspective. You see things you otherwise might have looked over or missed. Meanings change and conversations carries a whole new meaning. And that is what life has been for me for more than a year. It is hard for me do ANYTHING without to reverting back to that.
How does one relieve one’s self? (I know, shut it.) I feel like I am being stretched beyond my limit, mind painstakingly focusing on this one aspect with so much ferocity that I am going to explode (I swear, this isn’t own purpose.) sooner than later. And no, nothing is working at the moment.
And I am lost. On one hand, these new ideas, thoughts, feelings, and sensations are wonderful and has created a boon of creativity. I cannot tell how much I have written about love and romance. On the other hand, it also has created this canyon of longing that seems to get more expansive the more time passes. Can anyone relate to that? I feel as if it is pulling me apart at times.
I don’t have answer to paradox I have stumbled into and this is more of a rant than anything else. If you happened to read it all, thanks for sticking around and feel free to comment. I would love to hear someone else’s take on this.
This has been quite different from my usual fanfare. I have been gone for awhile. But I have plans on posting a lot more now. A lot has happened over the last year and the start of my year has flipped my entire life upside down. Thankfully, that has given me time to start watching anime and shows again. I think the nature of this blog will be changing soon but it I am still going to talk about all the things I love… but I feel myself wanting to get more personal… more than I already have been? I don’t know. I’ll figure it out.
Have you ever felt like this? Please, let’s have a chat in the comments below. This is new to me and I am definitely struggling to make sense of it all. As always, thank you ladies and gentlemen for stopping by. You all are awesome!
And until my next post…